Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just high enough for therapy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
