So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
