chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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