I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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