Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
