Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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