He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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