I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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