i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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