I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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