Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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