I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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