Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
