There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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