its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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