He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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