you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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