He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
