i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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