Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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