I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
