3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
honey bunches of taint.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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