Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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