i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
