Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
