Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
