dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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