At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
