fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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