why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
