I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
