aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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