I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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