six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
