It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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