Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
