i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
