how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
