All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
