That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
