I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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