I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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