so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
