I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize