Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
did you just send me my own nude
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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