Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
