If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
