You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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