Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I deserve this hangover.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
