So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
