No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
