That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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