i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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