so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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