so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
