and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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