I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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