Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
