Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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