you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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