boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
