my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
