i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
