Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
