Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
