I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
