At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
