smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
