happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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