She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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