I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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