You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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