remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
wow bdsm is so cute
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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