I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
