i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
