Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
