i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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