She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
