I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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