I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We left the knife in your bed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
