Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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