When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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