if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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