I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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