I got chris browned last night
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
