it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
