If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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