listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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