One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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