Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
