he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
