you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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