so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
