TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
